This day, looking back with 20/20 vision, I hit rock bottom.
To say "the bottom" is one thing and "rock bottom" is another.
Oftentimes I have simply wished away the desires of my heart saying: "Why can't things just be simple and I like really love playing some sport or working on computers or something solid like that?" The heart of an artist is like a 13 year old girl with only one outfit to choose from, all of the time. It is so easily swayed and so easily discouraged. Hard work is the food, inspiration is the outcome of eating, and artwork is the outcome of harnessing the energy. Art cannot be forced. You cannot know this unless you are an artist. Nor this: an unfinished piece of art, whether it be anything from techno to t-shirt design, may very well drive an artist to their death, depending on their ability to withstand rock bottoms. Most of the time people think of the great artists as lazy and emotional, which is true in most cases. In my case, it is the opposite. I have the work ethic of an addicted marathon competitor and will get what needs to get done. What needs to get done is the issue. It's the rudder on the ship and the tail on the plane, the mind of the body. A thousand pounds of steel may be swayed by the slightest touch from the right angle and right position.
Well anyways, I crashed today. Felt worthless. Beat my brains out over a small project, unfinished and seeing no future.
And now I'm back since I've started over and succeeded in coming to a "stopping place" (which are very very very important).
And I have no more thoughts.
4 comments:
i'm not even going to try to say something inspirational b/c i don't know how. but at least you've found one of your many talents! you're an excellent artist and you know you'll eventually get it right. and when you do you know it'll be so sweeter b/c it took that much longer. i wish i could find my G-d-given talent. i play bass, but i'm not that great at it. . . i, er, can drive a stick-shift? i can annoy people! i don't know what it is, but bro you can paint, draw, photograph, and make beautiful music. you can inspire people, G-d knows you do me. i always have been awed by the things you can do and the things you say. you know since 9th grade i've wanted to play bass for you, remember the talks we had in physical science? and now i do! that's why i'm up for anything with scallywags, as long as i can play your music. i love you so much and i've never known how to show you. i, not knowing i would when starting this comment, put a lot of heart into this. you're the rudder for me ( that sounds like something a man would say proposing to his wife?. . . ) and even if this is just some other comment on a blog, i hope you get what i'm trying to say. you're definitely not worthless.and, well crap dude, i just went totally blank and fj;alfjfa. i don't know. i'm just trying to give a little back for all the "things" you've given to me. if you ever need anything i'm only 10 minutes away. . . i probably can't keep a good conversation about theology going- yet alone about anything else- or give great advice that'll help you through something, or show you a song i've been writing that just blows your mind, but i can be there for you to wear your clothes after trespassing in a river, or pee on a fire to put it out, or scrape paint off a car, or put my smelly feet on your dashboard, or buy some book at an antique store, or copy everything you do. . . you've completely changed my life since 9th grade jesse. you let G-d work his art through you. i wish G-d would help me finish this comment like some touching special on oprah, but i'm stuck. ha. stuck, just like you are with your painting or whatever it is you're talking about. let's get waffle house soon. and i'll stink up your bathroom, b/c it is a bathroom, and we'll practice with tyler for the show. i'm stopping now.
get to know me.
i want to get to know you.
especially after what evan said. :)
i need some positive influence teamed up with a frustrated artist's heart.
i'm here on this plateau taking in the same beautiful scene, but not being able to do a thing about it.
okay. i am behind you on that plateau.
hey bro
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